These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Day two of the yeast free journey was successful.  Although I'm tired tonight from yesterday's fantastically full schedule of school, staff meeting, and Open House, I feel fine.  Energy levels seemed much more stable throughout the day, and a lot of my joint pain is already a bit more faint today.  Oh, and by the way, tomatillo avacado lime salsa made in my very own food processor is to live for!  Absolutely delicious.

BTW, friends who buy you your very own sugar-free mints so you can take the edge off during the day are to live for as well!  Every girl needs friends like you...you know who you are!

Mack Trucks and Friendly Bets

I really hate not making progress in my life.  But, honestly, I have to say that I've tried this whole "I'm gonna diet and I'm going to transform into some better version of myself" thing so many times that I have lost count.  The only real progress I've made is cleaning out my closet to donate my skinny duds to the Good Will.

But, here's the deal - I'm sick.  I'm 39 years young, and I'm sick.  I have high cholesterol, and fluctuating blood pressure that has definitely been high too many times before.  My triglycerides are high, and I have a fatty liver.  (lovely.)  I hurt all over.  All day long.  Every single day.  And, I swell.  Sometimes my entire body just puffs up like the PIllsbury Dough Boy, only it's not cute.  It's painful, and uncomfortable, and it's super frustrating when I'm already over-weight!  I've been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, have had a hysterectomy, and am pre-diabetic.  This is difficult to write.  And, I sleep.  Honestly, just this weekend - in the middle of a beautiful Saturday - with all my family at home, all I could do was sleep.  For five hours.  In the middle of the day.  Spare me.  (but, I AM EXHAUSTED!  UTTERLY and COMPLETELY SPENT.)  So, I've just gotta make progress. For real.  For me.  For my kids.  For my husband.  For my ministry.  For my future.  For real.

So, on the urgent urging of my Mama, I have made 3 appointments with specialists: an allergist, a new rheumatologist, and an endocrinologist.  Last Friday, I saw the allergist. Low and behold - tests show I'm allergic to baker's yeast.  Baker's yeast?  Yes - you know - the stuff you sprinkle in bread dough to make it rise.  So - avoid the bread you say.  Right! But, don't forget to avoid vinegar and anything fermented and anything that contains vinegar, or yeast, or the slightest bit of mold, or dairy, or sugar - because sugar feeds yeast. Don't eat anything processed or anything with MSG or soy sauce or canned tomatoes. Don't fail to cancel the Sonic drink orders because you can't have even the most diet of all diet drinks.  Wish I were allergic to lima beans.  But maybe - just maybe this is part of the answer for this body of mine.

With at least part of the mystery as to why I feel like I have been run over by a Mack truck every stinking day solved, it's time to become a starter who finishes.  So, after much research on the interwebs machine, and after pinning so many recipes to my Allergy Free board on Pinterest that my thumbs hurt, I have begun.

Day 1 - It's Hammer-Time

Hammering out a super long day at work.  Admin meetings, staff meetings, 430 8th grade students' drama, 75 teachers, and one Open House later, I"m here to tell you I made it.

I made it on: carrots, cilantro lime avocado hummus, sprouted something-or-another chips that cost way, way, way, way too much, cashews, a salad without dressing, icea tea, water, water, water, and more water.  Ohhhhh.  And the bets - I made it because I took bets as to how much weight I would lose by the end of the month.  My partners in crime said anywhere from 9-21 pounds.  Mr. Keeton, I hope you're right - you're a big thinker!

Health improvements for me:  not swollen.  more even energy.  my face feels thin.

You have got to be kidding me!

What in the world?? Has it really been over a year and a half since my last post? That just goes to show you what my problem so often tends to be.....I'm a great starter, but have trouble finishing. The business world would tell me not to worry - to just surround myself with people who are great finishers. And at work - I have. Heck, I work alongside two of the best project-completer, see-it-to-the-end, ain't nobody gonna stop us now people on the planet! But, they can't finish this journey for me! So, what have I been doing during my hiatus from blogging about my dreaded number on the scale, my eating habits, my walk to freedom? Raising kids. Grant. Caralea. Jason. Jesse. Joy. Miracle. Bailee. Cedric. Stephanie. Blake. Fostering - adopting. Gaining/losing/grieving/yelling/cursing/praying/trusting/loving/faithing/crying/dying to self through the wondrous and painful process of the American DHS system. And here I am - months and months later. Full to the brim of amazing experiences and horrors I had never known before we opened the door to let all these children into our lives. So. Glad. We. Did. But....that number....the dreaded one....has crept now upward of 234. And I feel numb.

satisfied

Day 1 January 21, 2013: 227.6 There - I said it. That's my dreaded number. The scales have slowly crept upward, especially since my surgery last December. But, there's some sort of strange satisfying feeling when you face truth. Somehow, finally facing the reality reflected back at me in the mirror is empowering. It's MLK Day. It's Inauguration Day. It's a satisfying day. Spinach and berry juice for breakfast. Check. Spinach and strawberry salad with walnuts for lunch. Check. Enjoying deep conversations with dear friends while eating lunch. Check. Sonic Dr. Pepper replaced by a Route 44 ice water with lemons and limes. Check. Almonds for a snack with a few chocolate chips to curb the cravings. Check. Satisfaction from feeling in control. Check.

can't sleep

It's almost 4 a.m., and although my eyes are heavy with sleepy hopes, my mind is not at rest. I start my juice fast today. You would think I were preparing to go off to war...perhaps I am. Maybe I can't sleep because something wars within me. Maybe I've been at war for a long time - a war against myself? If I'm overweight and don't like it, if I'm sick and don't like it, if I'm in pain and don't like it...If I know eating right will make all of those things better, then why is this warfare raging on inside? Perhaps the answer lies within the soul of man. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. How can a girl who can so easily steer clear of other detrimental desires struggle so much in this one area? Why is it that the thought of drinking too much or smoking or injecting drugs is so easily met with an immovable no while simply controlling what I ingest is seemingly impossible? Don't get me wrong - I'm not a classic over-eater. I don't binge and I don't purge. I don't sit on the couch eating gallons of ice cream. But I do eat what I know is not profitable, and I do drink what is my one vice. Bubbly. Sweet. The nectar of the gods. Dr. Pepper. But, how can icy cold soda affect me so? I can't believe it's the soda itself. Rather, it's the thought process behind choosing the soda over a bottle of water. And so the question becomes: Is the war truly a war against food, or is it, rather, a war against who I want to be. Who I am inside. How I view myself. Who I've become. These are the questions that rage inside of me on this chilly January morn. All the questioning leads me to what can be the only answer. This is a spiritual issue. This is me staying in control and this is me depriving myself of joy. This is the manifestation of lacking self-discipline, and this is the heart that envies my size 4 girlfriends. Heck, this is the heart that envies my size 12 girlfriends. This is a matter of trust and love and faith and patience. It's a matter of true forgiveness and grace. It's a matter of letting go of disappointments and hurts and trauma, and it's a matter of letting God heal me. And so I'm asking you, Lord, create in me a new heart. After yours. After yours. Cast me not away from thy presence, oh Lord. Take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me. Within me. ~La